Your words remind me of this magnificent quote from Kay Redfield Jamison's writing in An Unquiet Mind, regarding her own decision to come "out of the closet" about her bipolar disorder:
“I have no idea what the long-term effects of discussing such issues so openly will be on my personal and professional life, but, whatever the consequences, they are bound to be better than continuing to be silent. I am tired of hiding, tired of misspent and knotted energies, tired of the hypocrisy, and tired of acting as though I have something to hide. One is what one is, and the dishonesty of hiding behind a degree, or a title, or any manner and collection of words, is still exactly that: dishonest. Necessary, perhaps, but dishonest.”
Thanks for the tweet!! And I'm such a fan of Kay Redfield Jamison. When I was in my twenties, her book was my first wake-up call that I might be bipolar. This is a great quote from her.
Wow… “Our families cannot love us if they do not know us,” took my breath away also.
My family has a colorful mental health history that goes back generations. It’s only now that the kids are being diagnosed with ADHD and depression that it’s starting to be discussed.
I know what you mean - my family's history is colorful, too! :) And although it's a bummer that more and more kids are dealing with this stuff, if it starts to open up conversations, that's at least a partial win!
Wow. All of the "roots of secrecy" are so valid that it's good to see them in writing. Especially the early days when people point blank tell you, "Don't ever tell anyone that." What do you do with that? Depression runs in my family and when I was learning how to manage it in my early 20's I tried to telling a close friend and it didn't go well either.
My memory of the conversation is her saying, "Listen, I don't want to hear about this, if you can't be happy then figure out how you can and we'll hang out." She didn't actually say those words, but that's how I heard it and how I remember it. That molds our behavior and our silence.
Love the term "professional masking". If we were 100% ourselves at work, would we all lose our jobs? I have always felt like I can't truly become friends with my coworkers until one of us quits and we no longer have a professionally-masked relationship. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on who do you tell and when. Risks and benefits.
I have the feeling there's more to say about the "Who to tell and when" topic, based on the feedback I'm getting from this post! Thanks for adding your thoughts, K - look for more on this in the future! Thanks for your support!
Having just quoted Kay Redfield Jamison above, I'll add that a colleague told me she heard her speak and waited afterward to ask her a question. My colleague, then a junior professor, asked Dr. Jamison if she advised being open about mental illness unilaterally. KRJ said something like, "No, wait till you have tenure." That was at least 20 years ago, so perhaps her stance has changed...? In any case, she might be right. I waited until well after tenure to write publicly about my own struggles.
I definitely have concerns about how this will affect my career - because I'm worried the stigma that bipolar people are perpetually "unreliable" is still very real. Sad, but true!
I love this! I even tweeted it here: https://x.com/SFreedenthal/status/1769147173478760457?s=20
Your words remind me of this magnificent quote from Kay Redfield Jamison's writing in An Unquiet Mind, regarding her own decision to come "out of the closet" about her bipolar disorder:
“I have no idea what the long-term effects of discussing such issues so openly will be on my personal and professional life, but, whatever the consequences, they are bound to be better than continuing to be silent. I am tired of hiding, tired of misspent and knotted energies, tired of the hypocrisy, and tired of acting as though I have something to hide. One is what one is, and the dishonesty of hiding behind a degree, or a title, or any manner and collection of words, is still exactly that: dishonest. Necessary, perhaps, but dishonest.”
Hear, hear!
Thanks for writing this. :)
Thanks for the tweet!! And I'm such a fan of Kay Redfield Jamison. When I was in my twenties, her book was my first wake-up call that I might be bipolar. This is a great quote from her.
Wow… “Our families cannot love us if they do not know us,” took my breath away also.
My family has a colorful mental health history that goes back generations. It’s only now that the kids are being diagnosed with ADHD and depression that it’s starting to be discussed.
I know what you mean - my family's history is colorful, too! :) And although it's a bummer that more and more kids are dealing with this stuff, if it starts to open up conversations, that's at least a partial win!
Wow. All of the "roots of secrecy" are so valid that it's good to see them in writing. Especially the early days when people point blank tell you, "Don't ever tell anyone that." What do you do with that? Depression runs in my family and when I was learning how to manage it in my early 20's I tried to telling a close friend and it didn't go well either.
My memory of the conversation is her saying, "Listen, I don't want to hear about this, if you can't be happy then figure out how you can and we'll hang out." She didn't actually say those words, but that's how I heard it and how I remember it. That molds our behavior and our silence.
Love the term "professional masking". If we were 100% ourselves at work, would we all lose our jobs? I have always felt like I can't truly become friends with my coworkers until one of us quits and we no longer have a professionally-masked relationship. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on who do you tell and when. Risks and benefits.
I have the feeling there's more to say about the "Who to tell and when" topic, based on the feedback I'm getting from this post! Thanks for adding your thoughts, K - look for more on this in the future! Thanks for your support!
Having just quoted Kay Redfield Jamison above, I'll add that a colleague told me she heard her speak and waited afterward to ask her a question. My colleague, then a junior professor, asked Dr. Jamison if she advised being open about mental illness unilaterally. KRJ said something like, "No, wait till you have tenure." That was at least 20 years ago, so perhaps her stance has changed...? In any case, she might be right. I waited until well after tenure to write publicly about my own struggles.
I definitely have concerns about how this will affect my career - because I'm worried the stigma that bipolar people are perpetually "unreliable" is still very real. Sad, but true!